Stages of Grief

Because each person mourns differently and for different reasons, it is possible for a person to feel as if their grieving process is not going the way it should be. In such circumstances, remember that there are no set norms for how to grieve, and there is no right or wrong way of coping with a loss.

Below are some of the most common misconceptions that may cross your mind as you judge your or someone else’s way of grieving.

“I am doing it wrong.”

Many people falsely believe that there is only one way to process grief. In reality, when we talk about recovering from a loss, there is no right or wrong way of doing it. Grieving does not involve a definitive list of phases or steps, and even the models of grief presented by experts are only a guideline to understanding the process better. Not everyone sticks to these models, as overcoming grief is a multidimensional journey unique to every person.

“I am not feeling the right emotions.”

As mentioned before, not everyone is likely to go through all stages of grief. Similarly, different people may feel different emotions as they overcome a loss. For example, for some people, the state of depression may predominantly include feelings of sadness, while others may experience irritability. Similarly, the denial phase may consist of a sense of disbelief and shock instead of an expectation that something will fix the loss.

The emotions we use to contextualise the stages of grief can be diverse for different people. Some may not even experience them at all, which does not indicate that their healing journey is incorrect.

“This stage should go first.”

Keep in mind that there is no linear order when it comes to stages of grief. You may move along them one by one or keep going back and forth. Someday, you may feel downright depressed, wake up hopeful and motivated the next day, and then go back into depression the day after. It is even possible to have mixed emotions at some point. For many people, denial is not always the first emotion they experience the following grief.

“This is taking too long.”

Coping with a loss is a purely singular and personal experience, and multiple factors may affect how long it takes you to process it. Some people may successfully navigate through grief in a few days, while others may take much longer. Hence, it is not advised to set any deadlines for your process of overcoming grief, as it will happen in its due course. However, experts recommend keeping an eye on the intensity and frequency of your emotions, and in case of a severe or rapid increase in it, professional support must be sought. 

“I think I have developed depression.”

Depression is one of the five stages of grief, but despite its symptomatic similarities with clinical depression, both conditions are not comparable. For example, in grief, the symptoms of sadness and depression tend to lessen in frequency and intensity as time goes by. On the other hand, the symptoms of clinical depression never improve without professional treatment and are likely to worsen with time. While it is possible for a grieving person to feel sad while reliving the happy moments in the past, an individual with clinical depression may rarely feel any happiness or pleasure. However, remember that there is always a possibility of developing clinical depression as you grieve. If you notice your emotions becoming progressively intensive in frequency and intensity, reach out for help.