Midlife Crisis

10 Minutes

Edited & medically reviewed by THE BALANCE Team

Fact checked

CONTENTS

A midlife crisis is unarguably one of the most contested topics in psychology, mainly because research on this purportedly widespread issue is scant. Many theorists believe it to be a myth or argue that it only exists in certain cultures. At the same time, others insist a midlife crisis is a real problem that offers individuals a second chance at goal-setting for meaningful growth.

Irrespective of these opposing theories, people experiencing a supposed midlife crisis suffer from a vast range of uncomfortable symptoms that severely affect their life. Fortunately, most find immense relief in therapy that allows them to resolve past trauma, protect relationships, and develop a plan for the future.

Is midlife crisis real? What are its symptoms, and how can you support yourself and a loved one going through this challenging time? This article will shed light on all these aspects in detail.

Getting older naturally brings many life changes. Relationships may shift or end, careers may become more demanding, and life, in general, may fail to live up to someone’s dreams. Close friends and family members may die, and a person may eventually begin facing their own mortality.

Even though a midlife crisis may have different reasons for different people, some of the most common sources triggering it include:

Career changes, such as work becoming more or less demanding than it used to be
Changes in a person’s relationship status, such as a divorce
Societal messages about ageing, for example, middle-aged people are less attractive
Fear of the ageing process
Changes in the body related to ageing, such as pain, weight gain, and less energy
fear of death
financial challenges, mainly associated with retirement
Changes in relationship with children, such as watching children move out or becoming a grandparent
A feeling that life did not turn out the way someone hoped it would
Grappling with trauma from early childhood.

There is no set of symptoms that applies to every person going through a midlife crisis. It generally includes frustration, stress, and anxiety due to ageing or mortality. To stave off these feelings, many people start using drugs or alcohol, start an affair, buy a new car, or engage in experiences that help them recapture the exhilaration of youth.

Some of the most common emotions and behaviours that someone going through a midlife crisis may experience include:

Relationship Dissatisfaction

A person in a midlife crisis may wish to change the terms of their relationships, shift their sexual interests, or lose interest in sex.

Obsession with Appearance

A person may start dressing in a way that helps them look younger. They may start exercising more often, try different diet plans, or use procedures or cosmetics to reverse or hide the signs of ageing.

Career Dissatisfaction

Someone in a midlife crisis may feel like quitting their job or escaping their responsibilities. They may feel jealous or resentful of their younger coworkers, especially the ones who appear to be advancing career-wise.

Emotional Distress

A midlife crisis may make someone feel empty, down, or short-tempered. They may consider mortality often, behave recklessly, question religious beliefs, or indulge in substance abuse to escape their emotional turmoil.

The symptoms mentioned above do not always indicate a midlife crisis. For some people, the physiological changes occurring inside the body in midlife, such as hormonal disorders, may change their behaviours. For others, these symptoms might be due to an undiagnosed depressive or anxiety disorder. Hence, it is crucial to seek help from a mental health provider to get a proper diagnosis and necessary help.

Working closely with a psychotherapist can allow individuals to get over their midlife crisis and enter the next phase of their lives with much more self-compassion and self-awareness. A psychotherapist can also help them work through suppressed issues and verbalise any goals they might not have yet realised. Additionally, with a therapist, it becomes easier for such people to explore their fears and desires without behaving in a way that negatively affects their life.

The goal of therapy for a midlife crisis is to enable a person to make plans for the next steps in life. People who suffer from the usual midlife crisis symptoms, such as depression, anxiety, or feelings of emptiness, may also find therapy an effective way to manage them. To reap all these benefits, it’s essential to be honest with oneself and the therapist, as therapy is more likely to be effective when there is a trusting bond between the therapist and the patient.

Some of the most common types of therapy that can help mitigate a midlife crisis include:

Trauma-focused therapy

A lot of people have to deal with some kind of a new trauma in their midlife, while others struggle to come to terms with their early childhood trauma. Both types of people can particularly benefit from trauma-focused therapy to get over their emotions and move on. Some of the most commonly used trauma-focused therapies include the emotional freedom technique, eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing, and cognitive behavioural therapy.

Couples Counselling

Couples’ counselling allows partners to learn how to deal with midlife crises. It is also a great way to allow them to re-envision their relationship, move past the challenges, and revive the long-lost spirit.

Family Therapy

Midlife crises can sometimes affect an entire family. Parents may start treating their children differently, and this difference in parenting may sometimes force them to develop behavioural issues, further compounding the challenges of a midlife crisis. Such families can work together in family therapy sessions, talk about their feelings, and find healthier ways to communicate with each other.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

For many, a midlife crisis results from incorrect or negative thoughts about ageing, success, or physical attraction. Cognitive behavioural therapy can help all such people rethink the relationship between their feelings and thoughts and the consequent behaviours. During a typical session of CBT, a therapist pairs up with the patient to recognise unhealthy negative thoughts and replace them with healthier ones that support their life goals.

In addition to seeking professional therapy, practising good self-care is critical for managing a midlife crisis. Eating a healthy diet, performing regular exercise, spending time with loved ones, and seeking support from family members can all make this difficult period more meaningful. Some people also benefit from self-help support groups, while others adopt the following strategies:

Avoiding rushing into irreversible decisions, such as filing for a divorce or having plastic surgery, without taking time to think about them
Taking on a physical challenge to divert attention
Trying something new by adopting a new hobby, travelling to a new location, returning to school, or indulging in any activity that offers them a new purpose and meaning.’

When a loved one goes through a midlife crisis, their friends and family members may feel overwhelmed or disoriented. Spouses may start worrying about marital conflict or divorce, which further adds to their qualms. In such a stressful time, you can help and support your loved ones by:

Listening to them without any judgment or comments. Understand that their feelings do not need any fixation, and arguing about them will not make them disappear.
Identifying your own concerns about growing older. When one family member suffers from a midlife crisis, it may activate similar feelings in others.
Giving them space to resolve their feelings in their own way and according to their timeline.
Attending couples or family counselling with them
Helping them find a new hobby or another pursuit and doing the same for yourself to reduce your anxious feelings related to their midlife crisis

FAQs

What is a midlife crisis, and when did it originate?

The term midlife crisis or midlife transition originated in the 1980s and referred to the time of depression and growth and the same time. Individuals may recognise that they are in a midlife crisis as soon as they start assessing their priorities and goals. They may start re-discovering their dreams that they had forgotten to raise a family or move ahead in their career. Similarly, others may wish to travel or choose a different career path. Some of these life decisions cause obvious stress in the minds of these individuals, eventually triggering depression if they cannot act on them.

What are the different stages of a midlife crisis?

Experts believe that a midlife crisis has the following six stages:

The denial stage marks the beginning of a midlife crisis and forces an individual to deny or fight the fact that they are growing old.
The stage of anger that causes people to feel frustrated about the challenges of midlife and their inability to manage them.
The stage of replay where many may attempt to replay their most appealing aspect of youth in different ways, such as getting cosmetic surgery or seeking an affair
The stage of depression that occurs due to a failure to replay their youth
The stage of withdrawal forces the individual to distance themselves from their loved ones as a way to cope with depression
The stage of acceptance where the individual finally accepts that they are growing older and begins searching for meaning in the next phase of life

Do women have a midlife crisis?

Women are as likely as men to experience a midlife crisis, and their experience may be coloured by socialisation and gender norms. They face a lot of pressure to remain desirable and youthful and may worry about their partners falling for younger women. As a result, they are much more likely to seek cosmetic surgeries to control their anxiety about growing old. As for the signs of a midlife crisis, women experience the same symptoms as men, such as increasing concerns about desirability, relationships, career success, and an ageing body. In addition, some women may also struggle with the effects of childrearing decisions in their midlife period. Because women are more likely to prioritise rearing children by quitting work, they often regret this choice or may feel less fulfilled as their children grow older.

How does a midlife crisis mental breakdown happen?

A breakdown associated with a midlife crisis may manifest for various reasons. For example, many people begin to become more conscious of their mortality the minute they enter their mid-forties. This can fill them with overwhelming anxiety, and they begin reviewing the different aspects of life, the choices they made, and their accomplishments and failures. The ageing process is inevitable and may cause certain physical changes in many people, such as weight gain. This physical alteration is another cause of intense anxiety and distress in many men and women who feel like they have lost their identities. On top of this, midlife might be a time when someone’s own parents are getting older, and caring for their deteriorating health might add to their stress. As a result of this undue stress coming from different sources, a person in their midlife may develop a mental breakdown.

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